Simple Ways to Connect with your Teens and Family
Busy or Bonded?
When was the last time you and your family, or you and your child, really connected? Not just passing each other in the kitchen asking “how was your day?”, but laughing together, an uninterrupted conversation, or being with one another in the mundane. Everyone is busy these days. Between work, social outings, kids, family, it all piles up. And when you have children, especially teens, it can get chaotic. Busyness isn’t necessarily the enemy here, many of the things on the calendar are good. The problem arises when these things take priority over our most important relationships.
If you can’t erase five different events from your calendar, what can you do?
Start small: Create Spaces to Connect
Connection doesn’t have to mean carving out an entire afternoon or spending a boat load of money. It’s as simple as recognizing the opportunities you already have in your day. Maybe you drive or pick up your teen from school, and they spend that time on their phone or have their airpods in. Instead, invite them to play those songs in the car and be curious about why they like that music. You’re not having deep conversations, just simply finding out what interests them.
Ask questions and be curious!
Maybe your child wants to eat dinner alone in their room. Rather than be offended or focusing on the behavior, become curious. Is there a reason they don’t want to be with the family? Create a family expectation of having dinner together a few nights a week (and no, not in front of the tv). Allow this to be a phone free time, allowing for connection and conversation. These are simple times in the day where YOU have the power to change it for the better.
Plan Something that’s Actually Fun
Sounds simple, yet can be really difficult. It may feel impossible to plan an activity everyone will like. Choose something you know you and your kids will enjoy doing, and make sure to have everyone there. Plan ahead!
This doesn’t have to be an every week ordeal, maybe even just once a month. This could be a bike ride to an ice cream shop, indoor rock climbing, a hike (serious bonus points for physical activity – let’s get those bodies MOVING!).
Looking for something your teen might actually enjoy? Try hosting a "PowerPoint Night." It's become popular on social media, where everyone creates a short, funny presentation on a random topic and presents it to the family. It may sound silly, but shared laughter is one of the quickest ways to strengthen relationships. The goal isn't to create the perfect family outing. It's simply to create positive experiences together.
Spend Time One on One
Your adolescent or teen has so many interests. If they have social media, I guarantee you they want to try a viral coffee/drink, go to a thrift store, or see the latest movie everyone is talking about. And whether they say it or not, most teenagers want to feel known by their parents.
One simple idea is to block off a two hour time block in your calendar. Say something like, "I'm free Saturday afternoon, and I'd love to spend some time together if you're interested. We have a budget of $20 — let me know what you'd like to do." Giving your teen ownership over the activity communicates that you value their interests, not just your own.And if they choose to spend that afternoon with friends instead? Try not to take it personally. It’s up to them! Keep extending the invitation. Consistent availability often speaks louder than a one time invite.
Small Moments Matter
These are just some points to consider if you’re wanting to create more connection in your home. Relationships don’t thrive off of one grand gesture, they strengthen in the mundane moments, in laughter, and the feeling of being safe and known. If only one of these ideas fits your family, start there! Give yourself grace. Parenting doesn't require perfection, and neither does building a secure relationship with your child. Put the phone down. Ask one more question. Be curious! Laugh together a little more often.
The small, ordinary moments are often the ones that create the deepest joy—and the strongest, longest-lasting relationships.
Written by Eliana Novak. Cultivate’s intern turned full time therapist. She specializes with teens, adolescents, and families. Reach out if you’d like to work with Eliana! She’s great.
Cultivate Counseling Group is a therapy practice in Lincoln Square/North Center Chicago (and virtually all over Illinois). If you’re looking to have your child or your self work with a therapist, contact us to ask questions, inquire about availability, or schedule an appointment. You can also reach out directly to hello@cultivatecounselinggroup.com.